In my last post I mentioned a trip my boyf and I took to Oregon. While we were there, we visited Crater Lake. One morning while sitting on the edge of a cliff/overlook enjoying our coffee I joked about how if/when we had a baby that we should bring it with us and Instagram about it, #backpackingwithbaby. As we discussed and laughed through the logistics of bringing a baby backpacking one thing that came up was milk/formula - feeding the baby. While it was a harmless conversation, I realized that I would not be able to breast feed my future baby, and while that was not a breaking news story, it was still a HUGE pill to re-swallow. Kody, trying to be helpful, offered suggestions like bringing along a milk nurse/surrogate and instantly I felt my momma bear instincts kick in. I found a lump swelling up in my throat as I tried to express that NO ONE would feed my baby but me, even if it had to be formula or milk from a milk bank. Although it was just a "what if" conversation I found myself getting extremely emotional over the realization that I will never get that chance to bond with my baby through breast feeding. I know it's not the only way and I know some women that CAN breast feed, don't. In all honesty, that was the one thing I really struggled with giving up when I was deciding on doing my mastectomy (if you're a new reader you may need to read back to one of my first posts where I explained why I was doing a non-nipple sparing mastectomy due to my mom's cancer history). But I figured I better at least make sure I'm alive and healthy to even conceive a baby before I worrying about the implications of not breast feeding. While I'm not even sure if I will have kids, it is something that will surely come back to haunt me.
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About This Blog:This is my journey to beat breast cancer before it beats me, by undergoing a non-nipple sparing, prophylactic bilateral mastectomy. Archives
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