Today I was checking my mail and guess what arrived?!? My new Rub-On Nipples from Cancer Victory. I have to say I was pretty darn giddy to get this package. I ran up to my apartment and took a quick bath so that I had fresh, clean skin for my tattoos. I opened the package and saw that I have 3 varieties of nipple tattoos in the "medium" color family. I decided to start with the lightest color called Medium Peachy Tan as it looked closest to my old nipple color (I have a "before" pic I refer back to quite often these days). They were super easy to apply (with water) but I can see how it will take me a few practices to get the nipple placement just right. I couldn't quite capture the true essence of these tattoos in photos but you can take a look in the photo gallery and see what you think. The color and placement is not my favorite. I think they are too pink/peach and am looking forward to trying the other 2 colors in the very near future. Apparently these things last for 1-2 weeks so it seems like I have some time to get use to them and this color. I definitely think these will help me in deciding IF I want nipples and what color scheme I am going for. One huge positive with these nipples is you have to let them dry for 15 mins - 1 hour so I'm letting the girls go free for the next hour....or two! ;)
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My nipple reconstruction is scheduled for December 19, 2014 but that does NOT mean that I am set on it. I just wanted to have it scheduled in case I decide to go that route vs. 3D nipple tattooing or just leaving my breasts as is. My plastic was getting booked up and my insurance starts over on January 1st so I want to make sure I get all surgeries done by then. Because I am unsure of where I stand on the nipples, I decided to do some research and found this awesome website called Cancer Victory who sells packs of temporary nipple tattoos to help you see what you might want in the future. As they put it:
I wasn't sure what color scheme to order but I decided on the Medium Variety Pack. I'm REALLLLLY hoping it will give me a better idea of if I want "real" nipples again or if the 3D nipple tattooing will suffice. I've been asking friends and family what they think but I know ultimately I must make this decision on my own, for myself. I can't WAIT to get these things in the mail. I will report back and add some pics when they arrive! I'm still very concerned about the rippling but am trying my damnedest to not worry too much about it. I guess I just hoped after going through this process that I'd end up with a perfect final product. Maybe that's unrealistic, but it's honestly how I feel at this very moment.
Let me first start by saying, DO NOT EVER Google silicone rippling! You get allllll kinds of X-rated stuff that comes up...YIKES! Now you may be wondering why I was googling that particular phrase. As I mentioned in my last blog post, I noticed some rippling in my implants when I was bent over the sink, brushing my teeth the other morning. Well today I went in for my 3 week post op check up and I asked Dr. Mosier about it. He said that sometimes happens with implants and he'll keep an eye on it as I continue to heal. If it doesn't get better and I want it fixed, then he can do so but the process has some pros and cons. Basically when he goes in to do the nipple reconstruction in December, he can take some fat (liposuction) from my body and inject it in those spots to kind of "fill it in." While that seems like a great idea, liposuction and no more rippling, it's also ANOTHER procedure. :/ I am just going to see what happens over the next few weeks. I don't go back for another check up for another month.
I also asked him about how my scars are healing. He showed me, by pressing on my scars, what color they would eventually turn and that made me feel much better! He also gave me some silicone patches to put on top of my scars at night and I can reuse them. They will cost about $46 but he gave me some to get started with it and said to see how I feel about them after 3 weeks. He also told me to start massaging my new incisions to help my body produce the enzymes to break down the dissolving stitches that are inside. I am to massage them with great pressure for a few minutes, twice a day. He also said to go ahead and start massaging my implants but only in an upward and inward motion to keep the muscles loose. I signed up for a 30 day membership to a barre method class until I can go back to yoga. I went for the first time yesterday and while I hardly broke a sweat, it was definitely a good workout. I am not allowed to do push ups or planks unless I am just doing a holding plank that is concentrating on my abs. He showed me how to contract my pecs and said NOT to do anything like that, LOL! Overall, I am feeling more confident and was happy with how my appointment went today. I was able to share my concerns and get some good feedback. What a waste of time all that worrying did! I do not like the rippling I see in the mirror but I do notice my implants starting to settle in a bit more. Head over to the photo gallery to see some 3 week post exchange photos from today! I am about 2 1/2 weeks post-op from my exchange surgery and my how things are-a-changing! I am finally able to sleep on my side for a while with my body pillow and 2 regular pillows propping me up. If I lay directly on my side then the underwire from my bra sits right on my internal stitches, OUCH! I am mostly sleeping in my underwire bra even after wearing it all day, but sometimes wear my non underwire sports bra to give my boobies a rest. It's funny how once you get clearance to give yourself a break you don't want it. I was worn out from ACL yesterday and didn't want to sleep in any bra so I got into bed with just a t-shirt on. About 2 minutes later I was up putting my underwire bra back on, LOL! I can see how my boobs want to splay out to the sides when I lay on my back and I know I need to train them to face forward as much as possible right now so back on with the bra I went. Doc also cleared me for lower body exercise 2 weeks ago so I've been considering doing a barre class. Since I was busy all weekend at ACL I told myself I'd start Monday, tomorrow! That was until TODAY happened! Kody and I decided to go on a bike ride and try out a new trail before ACL. We left around 1 pm and rode our bikes from South Lamar all the way to the East Side and then to South Walnut Creek Trail. Without you just googling I can't describe how far it was. By the time we got to the actual trail my legs were already burning. I'm not sure my legs had recovered from our 10-12 miles from last weekend. We got on the trail which was awesome because it was all paved. About 2/3 of the way down the trail I was starting to give up. Turns out it was about the time I was crawling up a HUGE hill. I literally was climbing up that hill at the pace of a snail crawling through quick sand. I thought about getting off and walking it up. I had no idea how much further we had to go! Since it was our first time, we had no real idea where we were going so we just kept pedaling thinking we'd loop back around to where we started, WRONG! We finally found the end of the trail and realized it was a dead end. There was nothing left to do but turn around and pedal all the way back. All I can say is WOW! About 1/3 of the way back I was dying. That is when the complaining really went into full force, ha ha - poor Kody! But he was quite the trooper encouraging me the whole time. He even stopped while waiting for me to come up a hill and picked me 2 pretty flowers to stick in my helmet (see pic below). Needless to say we made it off that trail but that was only the beginning as we still had to pedal back to downtown Austin. We were starved! So off we went, aching quads and all and ended up at Easy Tiger down on 6th street. I can't tell you how much that kept me going, knowing food and a cold beer was my reward if I just kept pedaling! We stuffed our faces and threw back a cold one then it was time to get home as the sun was setting. Yes, you heard me right, the sun had started to set. We left at 1 pm and by the time we left Easy Tiger it was about 6:15 pm. That last trek back home was the worse, by far. So many hills and my lower back was screaming along with my legs and knees. We ran into one of Kody's friends that was biking and he was so sweet to actually push me up a hill I wasn't going to make it up! We finally made it back home and I stripped off those bike shorts, threw on my clothes and practically hobbled/ran to my car to get home. I wanted nothing more than some Ibuprofen and a hot, epsom salt bath, oh and a HUGE glass of red wine, LOL! I fear how sore I will be tomorrow as Kody told me as I was leaving that we rode a total of 42, yes FORTY TWO miles today. The most I had done before was 12 miles at the Veloway. Accomplished is the only word I have to describe how I feel after that. I just kept reminding myself that it's all mental. Our minds give out long before our bodies do. I also realized I am much stronger than I thought, both physically and mentally. I am just 2 1/2 weeks post-op and haven't done much of any kind of workout in months so I'd say I did pretty well. I have my next appointment with Dr. M this Thursday and I have a few concerns I'd like to talk to him about. First and foremost, I noticed the other day when I was bent forward in the mirror, brushing my teeth, that I saw some rippling on the top of both of my breasts. I don't like that because that is one of the main reasons I didn't want saline implants and opted for the gel implants. Secondly, I feel like my original scars aren't healing as good as I would have expected and want him to check them out. The other night I was lounging around in a snug tank top and instantly noticed that my left implant looks bigger than my right. I know all women's natural breasts are like this, one side always being a tad bit bigger but since these are engineered, I'm not really enthusiastic about this discovery. I'm hoping he'll just tell me that that left one is still just a bit swollen. Remember it's been the step child throughout this whole surgery ordeal. I also want him to give me an A+ report that my implants are in the correct spot and are healing correctly. I will report back and post some new pics soon!
Today I am 5 days post-op from my exchange surgery. I ended up going shopping and found a new, cuter, pink bra (size 32D) that fits me much better. HOWEVER, I must tell you that I am NOT a fan of bras anymore, especially not now. I'm going to blame it on my swelling and the fact that the under-wire of the bra sits right on my incisions - OUCH! I also have to sleep in it which is absolutely miserable. The other day I even found myself saying that I wish I had my expanders back, EEK! I know it will get better and easier but for now I'd like to turn that bra into something more useful like this... I've been giving myself an hour or 2 a night without the bra on as well as going to sleep in my super snug sports bra and changing back into the devil bra in the wee early hours of the AM. I obviously want to follow my doctors orders but does he realize how uncomfortable it is to sleep in that thing?!
I went back to work today and I think I definitely over did it! I'm not really sure what my restrictions are except I know I can't workout until next week and I'm not suppose to be lifting heavy things or reaching up high. Tonight I was making an over easy egg and I got the oil too hot. When I went to drop the egg in, hot oil sputtered out all over my arm. My instant reaction was to JERK my arm back and sure enough I felt a stabbing pain in my chest. I really hope I didn't rip my internal stitches or cause any damage! But what could I do? It was a knee-jerk reaction. I must be more careful! I'm not really sure how I feel about my new boobs either. I keep finding myself staring at them and wondering if they are so big because of swelling or if this is my new, real size. I'm not sure that I dislike the current size as much as I dislike how much the bra hurts me. I also realize that I do this every time one thing ends and another things begins. I reread some of my old blog posts and after each major milestone or change, I did the whole emotional roller coaster thing. I'm just trying to cut myself some slack, allow myself to have a pity party over the bra sitch and realize that I know that I will truly love my new boobies one day....hopefully REALLY soon! |
About This Blog:This is my journey to beat breast cancer before it beats me, by undergoing a non-nipple sparing, prophylactic bilateral mastectomy. Archives
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